How To Handle Parents Giving You Advice

[Transcript]

Let’s move on get some height on parents and how to think about them to continue developing this ability of seeing things from a bigger, more useful perspective to keep building mental toughness.

I’m just going to assume you have a parent or other mentor who has given you this training because they want to help you succeed. First off, you need to keep that in mind…always! You need to remind yourself they are just trying to help you, especially when you are frustrated or disagree with them.

Second, your parents are not perfect – they are just doing the best they can. They don’t always know the best way to help you. They aren’t inside your head and they don’t know what you are going through. Things are different for kids today than how it was for your parents. Cut them some slack for not understanding that. They only know what might have worked for them in the past or something they read or heard from a coach. It’s your job to let them know the best way they can help you!

What I often hear from kids is how their parents don’t give them much praise or inspiration but they DO give them lots of criticism or 
“How you should have done that a lot better.”

Here’s the key word I teach for that: Translation

For example. On the car ride home, maybe dad says something like: “You need to get a lot more aggressive out there”
You can learn to translate that. Here’s the translation to what your dad is really saying:

“Son, I really want you to succeed and be happy about your play in basketball. Here’s something I noticed that maybe you’re not aware of that I think could help you…I’ve seen you play more aggressively in the past than you did today. Maybe I can help you find out what was holding you back today so you play better next time.”

That’s really the truth even if he didn’t say it that way. You want to translate it that way so you feel good about hearing it. Remember, feel good, play good? You can do this with parents too.

Here’s something else that will help a lot for your parents advising you. Make a deal with your parents right now if you want to be in charge of asking for their advice or you want them to give you advice whenever they have an idea to give you advice.

For the long term, you need to be in control of your own thinking; and so you will eventually want to get to where they only give you advice when you ask for it. But don’t go and tell them to only give you advice when you ask for it and then never ask for it! That is not very smart. You can learn a LOT from your parents that will help you. Don’t let your stubbornness get in the way of you playing your absolute best.

If they say something you already know or disagree with, just nod and say thank you, that’s a good idea.
Always remember…they are simply trying to help you. They want the best for you. I am a parent and I have talked to thousands of parents and this is always the case. That’s the height on parents.